The Battle of The Fans Chapter 3: Battle of The Morons
by Walter Bryan Cranston White
Summary: The final chapter of The Battle of The Fans trilogy


Strong Woman's house

Strong Woman and PC Principal were still arguing

PC Principal and Strong Woman: Rabble Rabble Rabble Rabble Rabble Rabble

Strong Woman: You know it's ironic how such a good Principal is bad with his own children!

PC Principal: I thought they would've been safe!

Strong Woman: With students?!

PC Principal: I thought they were responsible enough!

Strong Woman: But they're students!

PC Principal: We'll just have to look for them

Strong Woman: Alright fine. I'll call the babysitter

Strong Woman picked up her phone to call the babysitter

Mr Mackey's house

Mr Mackey answered his phone

Mr Mackey: Hello Mmkay

Strong Woman: Hi Mr Mackey. It's Strong Woman

Mr Mackey: Oh hello Miss...Woman? How are you holding up?

Strong Woman: Still a little sore after somehow surviving falling off a cliff

Mr Mackey: Oh. What can I do for you? Mmkay

Strong Woman: Emory, Harper, Bailey and Riley are missing. So me and PC Principal are going out looking for them and we were wondering if you could babysit River for us?

Mr Mackey hangs up

Strong Woman: Damnit

PC Principal: How about we leave River at Miss Cartman's?

Strong Woman: Um. I'm not leaving River with her

Strong Woman picks up an issue of crack whore magazine with Miss Cartman on the front cover and shows it to PC Principal

PC Principal: Oh. Wait what were you doing with this?

Strong Woman: Doesn't matter

PC Principal: Ok. How about Mr Stotch?

Strong Woman: No. I heard he joined that stupid Game of Thrones club

PC Principal: How about...

Strong Woman: Everyone in town is part of those stupid clubs!

PC Principal: Alright! Alright! We just need to find somebody who isn't part of the club

Suddenly there was a knock on the door

Strong Woman answered the door and Sharon was standing there

Sharon: Hi Miss... Woman? Have you seen my husband?

Strong Woman: No why?

Sharon: He went to join that stupid Game of Thrones club

Strong Woman: Oh. Listen Mrs Marsh we know you're a busy woman, but could you take care of River for me

Sharon: I don't know if I could

Strong Woman: Please my children are missing and I can't leave River alone

Sharon: Well alright. Just don't take long I have to find my idiot husband

PC Principal: I don't think you have to find him

Sharon: Why Not?

PC Principal: Because he's riding a donkey right in front of the house

PC Principal was right, Randy was still riding the donkey

PC Principal: Evening Mr Marsh

Randy: Evening PC Principal

Sharon: Randy. Get off that donkey right now!

Randy: It's not a donkey. It's my noble steed

Sharon: Noble steed? Are you serious Randy?

Randy: Yes. Giddy up old girl

The donkey continued to move very slowly

Strong Woman: Come on PC Principal, we have to find my children

Strong Woman and PC Principal enter the car and drive off

Sharon: Alright. So River what do you like to do for fun?

River just stared at Sharon

Sharon: (Speaking In her thoughts) Be careful Sharon this baby is extremely PC, so choose your words carefully

Sharon: Do you wanna, play with your toys or something?

River just continued staring at Sharon

Sharon: What time do you have to be in bed?

River just continued to stare at Sharon

Sharon: (Speaking In her thoughts) Christ this is going nowhere

Meanwhile

Kyle was still on the run from the guards of Kupa Keep

Kyle was running through CtPaTown with elf Bradley, Barbarian Tweek and Craig, on his ass

Kyle ran as fast as he could and he quickly hid inside a trash can

Tweek: Ahhhhhh! He's gone!

Bradley: Damn he's good

Craig: He could be hiding in one of those trash cans

Bradley: Lets check

Craig checked the first trash can

Craig: Nothing here

Tweek checked the 2nd trash can

Tweek: Nothing but a cat

The cat than hissed at Tweek

Tweek: It hissed at me!

Craig: Take it easy honey

Bradley was about to check the 3rd trash can

When all of a sudden

Randy: Oh hey boys

Randy was still riding the very slow moving donkey

Craig: Hey Mr Marsh

Randy: You staying out of trouble?

Tweek: Yeah

Randy: Anyway. I'll see you three at the battlefield

Craig: Ok

Bradley: Nothing in this can

Craig: Damn

Tweek: He's probably gonna release the prisoners!

Craig: Not while we're guarding it Tweek

Bradley: Yeah

Tweek: But should we still be looking for him?!

Bradley: He's long gone Tweek. He's long gone

Craig: Alright. Since I wanna go back discussing what the hell was going on at the battle of Winterfell with the others. We'll say that he wussed out and went home crying to his Mommy

Tweek: Sounds Good babe

Craig: Thanks Sweetie

Bradley: Stop giving each other nicknames. It's making me cringe

Craig: Fuck you Bradley

Bradley: Fuck you back!

Tweek, Craig and Bradley left the area

As soon as they left, Kyle got out of a trash can

Kyle: Thank god the forces of Kupa Keep are stupid

Voice: So the haters are stupid?

Kyle turned around to see a sinister figure wearing a cloak and a White Walker mask

Kyle was alarmed by the figure he saw

Cloaked figure: Do not be alarmed by my White Walker mask

Kyle: Who are you?

Cloaked Figure: All we be told. Once we enter that Chinese restaurant

Kyle: Couldn't you tell me now?

Cloaked Figure: No! Unless you wanna get caught by warriors of Kupa Keep or a pedophile

Kyle: Ok fine

Meanwhile

Clyde and Token were walking to Wendy's house

Clyde: So why did you break up with Wendy?

Token: Why is this a big concern right now?

Clyde: Come on Token. You too embarrassed to admit it?

Token: Well I dumped her because I knew she still had feelings for Stan

Clyde: That's dumb, you're dumb

Token: I know that's a dumb reason

Clyde: I mean I don't quite understand, how did you know she still had feelings for Stan?

Token: I mean I could tell she felt guilty when he stood outside her house with a boom box over his head and playing Peter Gabriel. I stayed with her a little longer until I decided to do it. I broke up with her when we were at Mr Jefferson's party. She was devastated and than few months later, she got back together with Stan. I guess she kind of felt bad for breaking up with him

Clyde: Peter Gabriel? That's so Say Anything

Token: Say Anything?

Clyde: It's some dumb chick flick I watched with Bebe when we were together

Token: Oh

Clyde than falls to his knees screaming in pain and grabbing his head

Token: Clyde you ok?

Clyde: No! Why are you back? Why are you back? What do you want?

Token: Clyde?

Clyde: Wendy! She's the key. To what? Oh!

Token: What's she the key for?

Clyde got up off his feet

Clyde: Nothing I just got headache

Token: You sure it's not a tumour

Clyde: It's not a tumour. It's not a tumour at all

Token: You sure Clyde? Because it looked pain-

Clyde suddenly grabbed Token by the throat and Clyde's voice went deep and raspy

Clyde: I am perfectly fine. So if you ask me that question again I will break your stupid neck. Got it?

Token: You sure you don't have throat cancer?

Clyde's voice suddenly goes back to normal

Clyde: No! I don't have throat cancer. I don't know why my voice just went like that

Token: Yeah. We may need to get it looked at

Clyde's eyes suddenly turn pitch black

Token was startled

Clyde: I am perfectly fine Token and if you question my health again. I will cut you to pieces and place your body parts in random peoples refrigerators. Is that perfectly clear?

Token: Ok

Clyde's eyes returned back to normal

Clyde: You ok Token?

Token was still in shock

Clyde: Well what are we waiting for? Are we gonna kill this bitch or not?

Token was still startled

Clyde and Token continued walking

Meanwhile

At Kupa Keep

Michael and Pete were trapped in a cell made out of pillows and blankets

Michael: This is bullshit

Pete: Tell me about it

Michael: We shouldn't be listening to their conformist rules, we're goths we should do what we want

Pete: Yeah. It would be easy if we just knocked the prison down

Michael: Yeah. And than we'll get repeatedly beaten up by those two guards and their wooden swords. So it's not a good idea

The guards were Henrietta and Firkle

Pete: Holy shit it's Henrietta and Firkle

Michael: Hey Henrietta

Henrietta: What do you want Game of Thrones traitor?

Michael: Look I know things have been rough between us goths

Firkle: You betrayed us by actually liking The Game of Thrones finale

Firkle got out his switchblade

Firkle: I should just cut you any moment

Cartman walked past and snatched Firkle's switchblade

Cartman: Yoink

Firkle: Hey give it back, you fat conformist

Cartman: Suck my Grand Wizard balls

Michael: Look I know we're your prisoners. But-

Henrietta: What?

Pete: Do you have-

Firkle: Have what? A key? Yes. But we're not giving it to you traitors

Michael: We don't want your key we want-

Henrietta: What?

Pete: Stop interrupting us and we'll tell you! God!

Henrietta: Alright. What is it?

Michael: Do you have any cigarettes on you?

Henrietta and Firkle just stood still

Firkle: Why should we give cigarettes to you?

Henrietta: Wait. I know what to do with them besides giving them cigarettes

Three minutes later

The Goth Kids were just sitting in the front yard smoking

Henrietta: I know we're still kind of enemies, but you guys are still goth

Firkle: Yeah

Michael: So you got rid of the PC babies huh?

Henrietta: Yeah. Pain in our asses they were. We couldn't even use the word conformist anymore. Wait how did you know we got rid of two PC babies?

Pete: We saw you two at the train station throwing them onto a train to Canada

Firkle: What were you two doing at the train station?

Pete: We did the same thing as you two

Henrietta: Whoah really?

Michael: Yeah

Henrietta: That's pretty goth you guys

A car pulled up in front of drive

Strong Woman: Hey have any of you emos seen 4 PC babies?

PC Principal: Did you just call them emos?

Michael: Did she just call us emos?

Pete: No we haven't and we're goth not emos

Strong Woman: What's the difference?

Strong Woman drove off

Michael: I'm glad we got rid of that bitch's children

Pete: Totally

Meanwhile

The Grand Wizard's throne room

The Grand Wizard finished reading the script

Cartman: My god it's epic, it's perfect and it perfectly describes the Battle of Winterfell. I must give this to...

Cartman suddenly stopped in his tracks

Cartman: Although. A script this good doesn't deserve to exist, I must keep it for myself

Butters enters

Butters: Hey Eric

Eric: Oh. Hey Butters

Butters: So about the script

Cartman: What about it Butters?

Butters: I was wondering. Once you've done with it could I have a read?

Cartman: Butters. Let me explain, it is my responsibility to keep this script in harms way. So when somebody asks me for the script it gets me worried that you might just fuck it up

Butters: Eric you said you'll let the warriors of Kupa Keep read it

Cartman: But did I promise Butters?

Butters: Yes you did

Cartman: Well Maybe you misheard

Butters: No I specifically remember you saying "I'll give one of my warriors of Kupa Keep the script when I've done"

Cartman: Well Maybe I changed my mind

Butters: Eric, it's a promise. My Mom always said that when someone makes a promise they should definitely keep them or otherwise you'll get grounded mister

Cartman: Butters! The script is mine! You are not allowed to have it!

Butters: Eric. Give me the fucking script!

Cartman looked at the script for a moment than threw it on the ground

Than Cartman tackles Butters like an American Football player and started to punch him repeatedly

Butters grabbed his hammer and hit Cartman on the arm

Cartman screamed in pain

Cartman: So we're using weapons now?

Butters: Eric. I need you to stand down

Cartman: Well I have a weapon too jackass

Cartman grabbed his staff and wailed Butters on the head with it

Butters fell to the ground

Cartman was about to hit him again with hit, but Butters managed to dodge the next blow and got back on his feet

Butters tried to hit Cartman with his hammer but kept missing

Cartman hit Butters again with his staff

Butters wailed the hammer and hit Cartman's staff that it breaks

Cartman fell to his knees looking at the broken pieces of his staff

Butters: It's over Cartman give me the script

Cartman: Butters I am so sorry

Butters: It's alright Eric. I forgive you

Cartman got up off his feet and started to hug Butters

Butters hugged Eric back

Butters: Hey Eric

Cartman: Yeah?

Butters: Do you feel a sharp pain in your stomach or is that just me?

Cartman: That's just you Butters. I stabbed you

Butters and Cartman stopped hugging each other

Butters looked down to see a switchblade lodged in his stomach

Butters: Oh hamburgers

Butters started to feel dizzy

Cartman: No one will have the script

Butters left the throne room

The Goth Kids were still smoking on the Cartman's front yard

They noticed Butters coming out of the backyard

Butters: Oooh. I'm starting to feel woozy

Pete: Should we like, call an ambulance or something

Michael: We're goths it's none of our business

Butters still continued to walk. Only he's getting weaker and weaker with every step

Meanwhile

City Wok

Kyle and The Cloaked Figure were eating some of the city chicken

Cloaked Figure: Hey thanks for the shitty chicken

Mr Kim: Hey! You don't call my shitty chicken shitty

Cloaked Figure: Whatever

Kyle: So?

Cloaked Figure: So What?

Kyle: Aren't you gonna explain?

Cloaked Figure: Explain what?

Kyle: Um. You, the script, anything

Cloaked Figure: Very well. My name is Lord Benioff

Kyle: David Benioff?

David Benioff: Yes. Perhaps you've heard of me

Kyle: It was you. You made this war happened. What the fuck was that for a series finale?

David Benioff: I didn't write the script for the finale you saw. I wrote the script for the original finale. But it had a power. A power similar to The One Ring from The Lord of The Rings. It corrupted people's mind

Kyle: So you purposely made a script that could corrupt minds? You're a bigger asshole than the one who wrote the finale

David Benioff: I didn't realise it's power until I showed it to Lord Plepler and everyone at HBO. So Plepler ordered another Lord of Darkness to make another script. Somehow Plepler loved it or maybe it was because he didn't like it and he'd have no choice but to use my script instead of that one. So that script was used. I did contribute to the finale watching as I saw my creation being destroyed by those HBO bastards. First they ended The Sopranos with a cut to black now this, destroying my creation. The greatest thing I ever made. I eventually tried to destroy the script by taking it home, but on the way home I got stabbed by a mugger and the script disappeared from my hands and now I live on as a spirit

Kyle: Wait how are you talking to me and eating?

David Benioff: Ok I'm not actually a spirit. But I will be soon. Because I'm still bleeding like real fucking bad. I've been bleeding for months. Don't start asking how I managed to stay alive for this long. Anyway the script must be destroyed and the only one who can destroy it is...

David suddenly collapsed

Kyle: Mr Benioff

Mr Kim: Hey no dying in my restaurant. That's most important rule. You die you go outside

Kyle: This man is too weak to go outside

David Benioff: The only one who can destroy it is somebody who hates Game of Thrones

Kyle: But who in South Park hates Game of Thrones

David Benioff: The Lord of Darkness. He's here. I can feel him

Kyle: Who is The Lord of Darkness? And who is the one who hates Game of Thrones so much?

David Benioff: The key is...

Before Benioff could finish his sentence he stops breathing

Mr Kim: Hey you gonna pay?

David Benioff: Oh Sorry. How much was that?

Mr Kim: 50 dorrar

David Benioff: 50 dorrar? Alright fine

David Benioff gives Kyle the 50 dorrar and dies

Mr Kim: Hey I said no dying in my Shitty Wok. Now I have to clean up brood

Kyle: It's not his fault

Mr Kim: I don't care. Get out! Get out and don't come back!

Kyle exists the City Wok and walks along the CtPaTown

Kyle: Who is the key? Who is The Lord of Darkness? Wait a minute

Kyle starts to have a flashback

Everyone in South Park elementary was rushing

Stan was at his locker grabbing some stuff when Wendy approached him

Wendy: Hey Stan. You wanna come to my place so we can hang out?

Stan: I'd love to Wendy. But the first episode of The Game of Thrones finale is on tonight and Kyle has invited everyone for a viewing party

Wendy: You still watch that shows? I personally think it needlessly objectifies women

Kyle: But it has a good story

Wendy: All it does Kyle is just show women's boobs all the time. The show is like something Michael Bay pulled out of his ass

Michael Bay: Hey! Will you be quiet? I'm filming your teacher for my next movie "Super Duper Hot Teachers"

Wendy: Gross!

Kyle: Look if you want to hang out with Stan you're always welcome

Stan: Yeah Wendy

Wendy: Why do you watch the show Stan?

Stan: Because of it's story and character development

Wendy: Not because of the boobs?

Stan: No!

The bell ran again

Stan: Look Wendy, I'll call ya later ok?

Wendy: Ok

Flashback ends

Kyle: Wendy is the key

Mr Kim: Hey! You gonna help me clean up body?

Kyle: No I have to save South Park

Kyle ran off

Mr Kim: Hey! What the fuck? I need to get rid of body so I can get to battle on time!

Testaburger residence

Stan and Wendy were cuddling each other on Wendy's bed

Wendy: I'm glad you didn't join the battle Stan

Stan: I didn't want to be a part of it anyway. I saw how ridiculous it was getting

Wendy: That's my man

Stan and Wendy continued to cuddle each other

Meanwhile downstairs

Clyde and Token entered the house

Clyde: Coast is clear

Token: Ok

Clyde: You go check upstairs. I'll go check the kitchen

Token: Why so you could eat everything? Because remember Clyde, you are the second fattest kid

Token sniggered at the comment he made

Clyde started to get angry and turned around to look at Token

Clyde: Funny isn't it? How I'm the cutest boy yet I am the 2nd fattest kid

Token: Come on Clyde. It was only a joke

Clyde: A joke? That's all I am isn't it Token? A joke

As Clyde spoke his face kept flashing into a skeleton

Clyde: Yes I must be a joke! I am the funniest thing in the whole wide world! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

Token froze with fear

Clyde: Now if you insult me one more time, I will devour you and I will have your liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti

Token was still frozen in fear

Clyde's face stopped flashing into a skeleton

Clyde: Ok I'm going in the kitchen

Token starts to go upstairs

Token was about to enter Wendy's room when he decided to go to the bathroom

As soon as Token got in he started to splash cold water on his face

Token: What is going on with Clyde? Am I dreaming? This can't be a dream. You got a mission to do Token. You got a mission to do

Token exited the bathroom and walked to Wendy's room

Token opened the door to find no one inside

Token went downstairs to tell Clyde the bad news

Token: Clyde I-

Token's sentence was cut short when he saw that Clyde was eating everything in the fridge

Clyde: Turkey legs! Pepperoni pizza!

Token: I knew that you'd eat everything in the fridge Clyde

Clyde stopped eating

Clyde: Wait what was I doing?

Token: Clyde I think we need to see a Doctor about this. I mean it looks pretty serious

Clyde walked up to Token and pretend stabbed him

Clyde's voice changed again to deep and raspy

Clyde: I told you I was fine

Clyde exited the house

Whilst Token just laid on the floor

Token got up off his feet

Token: Looks like I'm done playing. I hope Mom and Dad aren't part of that stupid club

Meanwhile

PC Principal and Strong Woman were still looking for their children

Strong Woman: Bailey!

PC Principal: Riley!

Strong Woman: Emory!

PC Principal: Harper!

Strong Woman: We've looked everywhere. Maybe we need to get the police involved

PC Principal: They're just babies Strong Woman. I doubt they've gone far

Strong Woman: Look

PC Principal and Strong Woman noticed Butters still with the switchblade in his stomach, trying to get home

Butters collapsed

PC Principal: Oh My God!

Strong Woman: Who would've done such a thing?

PC Principal: Stotch! Stotch! Stotch if you can hear me we're gonna get you to a hospital

Strong Woman: What about our children?

PC Principal: There's a child dying in my arms

Strong Woman: Ok. We'll take him to a hospital

Meanwhile

Tegridy Farms

Shelly was just sitting on the couch watching TV

Stan and Wendy entered the house

Shelly: Evening turd

Stan: Evening Shelly

Wendy: Hi Shelly

Shelly: Hi turd's bitch

Wendy and Stan headed upstairs

Stan and Wendy entered Stan's bedroom

Wendy: I doubt anyone will come here

Stan: It's a good thing Cartman's crew is so stupid

Wendy: Did they really think making loud noises was gonna make us stay there?

Stan: I don't know

They got on Stan's bed and just cuddled

Stan: What time do you need to get back?

Wendy: Mom and Dad have joined Cartman's army

Stan: Jesus them too?

Wendy: Yeah. The adults in this town are stupid

Stan: Agreed

Voice: Yes I totally agree

They turned round to see Clyde standing in the doorway

Stan: Oh hey Clyde. Look if you came here to hurt Wendy, don't do it

Clyde: No. Stan I'm not gonna hurt Wendy, I'm gonna kill her

Wendy: With wooden swords?

Clyde: No

Clyde was holding a kitchen knife

Stan: Jesus Dude!

Clyde: I need this battle to go on, Stan! I have to kill her

Stan: Clyde don't you think you're taking this too far?

Clyde: Too far? Too far?

As Clyde spoke his face kept flashing into a skeleton

Clyde: This is not too far Stan! I am going to let this war continue! As long as it will! And in order to do so, I must kill the one who will end it! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!

Suddenly Clyde was knocked out by a vase

And the vase was thrown by Shelly

Stan: Shelly?

Shelly: That turd interrupted my viewing of the latest episode of Chernobyl

Wendy: Come on Stan

Stan and Wendy exited the house

Shelly approached an unconscious Clyde

Shelly: I'll handle you later. I've got to finish watching Chernobyl

Hells Pass hospital

PC Principal and Strong Woman were waiting in the waiting room for news about Butters

Strong Woman: How is he doctor?

Doctor: He was bleeding really bad, but we managed to stop the bleeding and he's making a recovery

PC Principal: May we see him?

Doctor: I better ask him if he's ready to see visitors

The doctor goes to ask Butters

3 minutes later

Doctor: He's ready to see visitors

PC Principal and Strong Woman go to see Butters

Strong Woman: How are you holding up?

Butters: Still feel a bit dizzy

PC Principal: You're parents should be coming

Butters: Oh. My parents won't be coming they've joined that Game of Thrones club

Strong Woman: That's disappointing

PC Principal: I'm sorry Stotch

Butters: It's ok. My parents would ground me for getting stabbed

Butters turns on the TV

Announcer: This is channel 5 news, with Tom Pusslicker

Tom: Good Evening. On celebrity news David Benioff, the creator of Game of Thrones was killed in South Park at around 8:30 after months of internal bleeding. His body was found at the City Wok and the owner Tuong Long Kim has been brought in for questioning. But let's get to the positive of today's news story, ageing Canadian actors Terrance and Phillip have adopted 4 American children found at a train station today. We managed to get an interview with them

Terrance: We saw these 4 poor babies on a train to Canada all alone and we wondered why would anyone abandon these four babies

Interviewer: Have you decided on any names?

Phillip: No we haven't

Interviewer: And what's with the shades they're wearing?

Terrance: I don't know

Phillip: They look PC

Strong Woman: Oh my God. Can it be?

PC Principal: They're alive

Butters: Yes they're still alive. Hard to believe they used so much moisturiser to make themselves look younger. They still look good for their age

Strong Woman: How did they get to Canada?

Butters: They lived in Canada for most of their lives

PC Principal: Somebody must've thrown them on the train

Butters: Well that maybe explains why they have walking sticks

Strong Woman: Huh?

PC Principal: We have to get to Canada

Strong Woman: We'll have to give Terrance and Phillip an award or something

PC Principal: But they adopted them

Strong Woman: We'll just have to talk to them

PC Principal: How are we gonna get past their security guards?

Strong Woman: I don't know

Meanwhile

At Kupa Keep

The prisoners were asleep

Clyde snuck in

Clyde: Why are you doing this? They're our prisoners. Why would we wanna give them up?

Clyde's voice suddenly turned dark and raspy

Clyde: Because so the war we'll begin and they'll be fighting. It fuels me

Clyde (Regular): Who are you?

Clyde: (Evil): Lets say I'm someone familiar. Somebody who fell off a very tall tower your father built. Boy I can't believe I blew his cash on that

Clyde (Regular): So you're that time I turned evil. Alright. I'll do it because I don't want you to do that thing to me again

Clyde (Evil) What you mean this?

Clyde fell to his knees and started to scream and grabbed his head

Clyde (Regular): Yes that

Clyde (Evil): Ok than do as I say

Clyde opened the cell door as all the prisoners left their cells

Stephen: Who let us out?

Jimbo: I don't know

Linda Black (Token's Mom): We have to get back to the House of McCormick

Jimmy: And quick-quick-quick-quickly

The prisoners left

Clyde (Regular) I can't believe I just did that

Meanwhile

Kyle was running and he grabbed his phone from his pocket

Kyle: Come on Stan pick up

Stan: Hello

Kyle: Stan?

Stan: What's going on?

Kyle: Dude. I need you and Wendy at Cartman's right now

Stan: Why?

Kyle: Because Wendy is the key

Stan: Whoah Whoah! Don't tell me you're trying to kill her too

Kyle: What? No

Stan: Uh huh. Explain why Clyde just came to my house with a knife and tried to kill Wendy

Kyle froze

Kyle: Oh my god!

Stan: What?

Kyle: We have to stop Clyde

Stan: What?

Kyle: We have to stop Clyde

Stan: Sorry Kyle. My battery's dying

But really Stan just powered his phone off

Kyle: Stan? Stan? Damnit

Wendy: What kind of game do they think they're playing?

Stan: I don't know, let's just enjoy this beautiful night

Meanwhile

PC Principal and Strong Woman made it to the mansion

Strong Woman: Thank god getting past security was super easy

PC Principal: Barley an inconvenience

PC Principal knocked on the door

Terrance answered

Terrance: Why Hello buddy

PC Principal: Yes hi. We have theories that you and your partner have 4 children-

Phillip: Yes take them back

Strong Woman: Huh?

Terrance: We can't practice or parody of Django Unchained without them crying

Phillip: Every time we say the N-word. They cry their eyes out. So take them and make sure they never come back

Phillip slammed the door

Strong Woman: It's alright babies. Mommy and Daddy are here

PC Principal: Did you just refer to me as their Daddy?

Strong Woman: Yeah

PC Principal just smiled

Meanwhile

Cartman's street

The armies of the House of McCormick all gathered at Kupa Keep

The House of McCormick just stood ready for battle

Mimsy: Boss

Nathan: What Mimsy?

Mimsy: Will we win?

Nathan: I don't know Mimsy

Mimsy: If we win what will we do after?

Nathan: I don't know

Mimsy: What happens if the armies of Kupa Keep win? Will they feed us to their dragons or feed us to their sharks or will make the sharks rape us?

Nathan punches Mimsy

Nathan: Shut up Mimsy!

The Grand Wizard and his armies exited the back garden with his army

Clyde just watched

Clyde (Evil): Yes. This is what I want

Clyde (Regular) Do you want me to shut up?

Clyde (Evil): Yes

The Goths just sat there smoking

Pete: Oh finally

Henrietta: Yeah

Firkle: Hey fat conformist! Could you give me back my switchblade?

Cartman: What?! Did you say you want my script?

Firkle: Script?

Cartman: Don't ask that question again! Got it?

Michael: What's the matter with him?

Cartman: Armies of the House of McCormick! This is your last warning! Stand down!

Jimmy: As L-L-L-Leader of The House of Mc-Mc-Mc-Mc-McCormick I won-won-won't

Cartman: Very well! Kupa Keep attack!

The armies of Kupa Keep charged

Jimmy: Ch-Ch-Ch-Charge

The armies of The House of McCormick charged

Craig attacked at Scott Malkinson and force fed him apple juice

Gerald threw his shield at Craig's face and ran up to Scott to give him insolent

Scott: Thanks Mr Broflovski

Gerald: This is no place to die of diabetes

Nichole got into a sword fight with Nelly and punched her

Timmy dressed as a dragon attacked two soldiers of Kupa Keep by setting them on fire

Timmy: TIMMY!

Clyde: Yes! Yes!

Cartman: Clyde. Do something! Stop standing around like a pussy and fucking fight!

Clyde flipped Cartman off

Cartman: Well fuck you too Clyde

Kyle: Cartman! Give the script to me

Cartman: Why Khal? So you can read it to yourself? No! No!

Stan and Wendy enter the scene

Wendy: What's going on?

Kyle: Cartman won't give me the script to the original finale

Stan: Of what?

Kyle: Game of Thrones

Stan: There was an original script?

Kyle: Yeah and it has a power that is similar to the One Ring from The Lord of The Rings

Wendy: Huh?

Kyle: And the only person who can destroy the script is somebody who hates Game of Thrones

Stan: So? Wait a minute

Kyle: You figured it out. That's why Clyde tried to kill Wendy, he is The Lord of Darkness and he wanted this to continue as long as it could

Wendy: So Wait. I'm the only one who can destroy original Game of Thrones finale script?

Kyle: Yeah

Wendy: Oh great. I'm the chosen one now

Craig: Your the chosen one of some vague plot device?

Wendy: Yeah?

Craig: Welcome to my world

Craig continued to battle Nathan

Stan: I'll distract Clyde. You find a way to get the script off Cartman

Kyle: Alright Stan

Stan cracked his knuckles ready to kick Clyde's ass

Wendy: How are we gonna get the script off Cartman?

Kyle: I'm gonna have to set him off

Kyle approached Cartman

Kyle: Hey Cartman! You're a fat stupid ass who has a big butt that could make a plane crash into the ocean and also you're Mom's a whore

Cartman: Like that's gonna work Khal!

Wendy: That's the best you could come up with?

Kyle: Well it's something honest

Stan walked up to Clyde

Stan: Hey Lord of Darkness

Clyde: What is it foolish human?

Stan kicked Clyde in the balls

Stan: You really had to possess the most pathetic person

Kyle: You're a bastard who's Mom's a whore and probably had god knows how many children-

Wendy: Stop it! It's terrible!

Kyle: What else am I supposed to do?

Wendy: I don't know. Do something!

Kyle saw a lot of the armies bleeding and knocked out

Timmy picked up the broken wing from his dragon costume

Scott laid on the ground shouting for insolent

Kyle: I have no choice. Babe forgive me for what I'm about to do

Wendy: What?

Kyle: Hey Cartman!

Kyle took a heavy breathe

Kyle: I'm dating Heidi Turner!

Cartman stopped doing an evil laugh

Cartman: What?

Kyle: I'm dating Heidi Turner

Cartman: You're just fucking with me aren't you Khal?

Kyle: No

Cartman: MOTHER FUCKING JEW!

Cartman threw the script and attacked Kyle

Wendy picked up the script

Stan: Destroy it!

Wendy teared the script in two

After Wendy tore the script, the armies stopped fighting

Craig: What happened?

Stephen: I suddenly don't feel like fighting. Has anyone seen Butters?

Clyde: NO NO NO NO!

Stan: It's over Lord of Darkness. Will somebody watch him

Nathan: Me and Mimsy volunteer

Stan: Ok

Mimsy put his foot on Clyde

Clyde: Ow

Cartman: I'm gonna kill you Khal!

Wendy walked to Cartman and punched him, knocking him out

Wendy: You and Heidi are dating?

Kyle: Yeah. Me and Heidi have been trying to keep it secret from everyone. As we were afraid that somebody will find out and probably tell Cartman

Wendy: I wouldn't have told Cartman

Kyle: But you could tell the girls and than they'd pass it around and than Nelly would pass it around to Butters and than Butters would tell Nelly

Wendy: How long have you been going out?

Kyle: A few weeks after Butters and Nelly got together. Speaking of Butters, where is Butters?

A car parks up

Strong Woman: Alright. Stop killing each other! This is stupid

Stephen: Miss...Woman? What are you talking about? We aren't killing each other

Strong Woman: You aren't

Steve (Token's Dad): No. We won't fight because of some stupid disagreement

PC Principal: Looks like we missed a lot

The PC babies start crying again and pointing at the goths

PC Principal: What is it?

PC Principal sees what the babies are pointing at

PC Principal: Oh!

Pete: Oh shit!

PC Principal: You 4 are gonna have 4 months detention!

Michael: Fuck you conformist

Stephen: So now what?

Shiela: I don't know

Stan: Can we just watch something else?

Kyle: What is there to watch?

Stan: Chernobyl?

Everyone started agreeing

Tweek: Oh yeah. I heard that show was amazing

Everyone continued agreeing

Randy finally showed up still riding his donkey

Randy: Hey! Sorry I'm late. Right I'm ready to fuck everyone up!

Stephen: Randy we've stopped

Randy: What?

Scott: Yeah. We're done

Randy: Oh fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Cartman got up off his feet

Cartman: I am so gonna kill you Khal. I don't know when, but mark my words Khal. I will fuck you up

Kyle stood in fear

Epilogue

Nathan and Mimsy were still guarding Clyde

Nathan: This sucks! How long are we supposed to be guarding him for?

Mimsy: We could just take him to his parents and see what they could do with him

Clyde started to cry

Nathan punches Clyde

Nathan: Shut up. Clyde

A voice: Oh come on. That's not how to treat your ally

The boys looked to see who was talking

It was Gregory

Clyde: Gregory?

Gregory: I have something to offer

Nathan: What?

Gregory: I'm here to talk to you about the SkankHunt initiative


End file.
